Bullies

This post have been floating round my drafts for a few months  now not knowing whether the subject matter is a bit shitty for people to read and whether people will read this who I don't want but I want to post it so I can help people, if something bad is going on.


I have just recently escaped a bullying situation. I am 19 years old, I thought bullying stayed in high school maybe college. But no second year of uni and here I am, a shell of a person I was when I started. I was being treated differently in my house, I lived with 3 other girls and they were my best friends. Over christmas break I spoke less and less to them, perhaps my own fault but it takes two people to communicate.  Once back 2 hours away from home at Uni, I started getting ignored, trying to walk to class with them or text them and nothing. In these situations I am so reserved and if someone doesn't want me I remove myself from them so I am not in there way. Again my down fall in this situcation. 

I became locked in my room, I didn't leave my bed for days, just sit or sleep. I wouldn't leave my room for food or to use the bathoom until I knew everyone was out or asleep. Again this sounds so stupid. but I was frightened of confrontation or being shouted at. There was no eascape and I felt so lonely.

I endured panic attacks like I've never had the only thing that kept me holding on was the though that one day it would be over. Recently it all got to be too much and I left uni to get better and get a grip of my life again. And the road to getting better led me here. Opening up about my struggles is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Admitting you have a problem to your friends and family is tough enough, but going on the internet and telling people that see your life as lovely because that is all you post on social media etc that you're battling something so hard is good, so people can see this is real life. 


If you are going through this it is okay breath it can be sorted, I couldn't see a way out but now I have started to make one and I feel so much safer, and you can make changes in your life life is what you make of it and if you are unhappy change it. If you ever feel lonely or lost, feel free to email me : eleanor.fearnley@hotmail.com 



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